Women can be Judgey AF!

I’m writing this from a place of love. Judgment as a woman, in pregnancy & as a Mother is awful, & sometimes life threatening in a result of suicide adding to the already millions of problems in their life (not to suppress these issues in men). I guess I learnt from a young age to deal with judgement, because that’s basically what school is, & obviously I’m guilty of doing it too. Over the years I have become desensitised by it, because let’s face it, we’re only human. But why does it get SO much worse as you become a Mum? Nothing could have prepared me for this. I know for a fact I am doing absolutely everything I can to do what’s best for my LO, & yet I still feel like I need to look over my shoulder to prevent judgement. For example, feeding via a bottle, trying to offer her a dummy, continuing to do my grocery shopping while trying to settle her & so much more. I am so ashamed to say, I have been that judgey person, the person that had no idea what these women were going through, but I still felt the right to have an opinion. I am so sorry to those women, even know they had no idea what I was thinking, I am sorry.

Coming in to this chapter of my life I’ve realised & learnt a lifetime of new information.

Every woman is different

Every baby is different.

What I do doesn’t work for you & vice versa. What my boobs produce isn’t what yours does.

What my baby’s behaviour tells me is different for yours.

What settles my baby doesn’t settle yours

Etc.

I’ve learnt the most important thing is to be kind, compassionate, understanding & sincere.

Below are some common judgments that not only people before babies say/think but also current mothers. There’s also some reasons why to remind you that you probably have no idea what she is going through. We need to empower one another, not bring each other down.

She always talks about the baby since becoming pregnant

Because this is her new world, she is so excited. She lives & breathes learning about pregnancy, labor & parenthood. Be excited with her. Don’t tear her down or tell her horror birth stories.

Always touching her belly even though she doesn’t have bump yet

This is an instinctual protective action! Some of us literally don’t know we’re doing it! Which makes it even more beautiful 🥰

She’s only in the first trimester & shes lacking concentration

Her life has just flipped completely upside down learning she’s pregnant, she’s probably feeling overwhelmed, scared, nervous, like she wants to vomit every 5 minutes & wanting to fall asleep the rest of the time. Encouragement, understanding & compassion is required in this time 🙌🏽 remember, this is most likely not the real her, so tread lightly.

She’s started telling the world about being a mum like every other mother!

I know, you’re probably thinking it about me right now, as well as “oh great, another mummy blogger”. But actually, I started this to make myself feel better. As a prevention for postpartum depression, as I felt I was very vulnerable to falling into this hole, based on my past. I felt like I was “talking about it” to whoever wanted to listen. Getting out my thoughts to feel less alone. Alone may not be the right word 🤔 because Yes, I have a lot of support around me which I am so grateful for but sometimes I want to let things out without a response to take the weight off my shoulders, like a public dear diary & it is helping ☺️ & it’s also topics that I was looking for while I was pregnant. In blog form there are less likely to be comments & likes etc but it could help other mamas to feel less alone by making it public. I’m thinking other woman are doing this too. We also need a purpose outside of taking care of our babies.

Misunderstanding the journey for a Mother

It is more than just labor

It’s the uncomfortable journey

The googling every 5 seconds how to keep a baby alive journey

It’s the breathing techniques journey

The partnership journey

The hormone journey

The restricted diet journey

The my life will never be the same journey

The fear of losing friends journey

The fear of losing yourself journey

The change in career journey

The newborn journey

The loss of independence journey

The finding yourself journey

The body recovery journey

& one of the BIGGEST is the emotional journey! 🧡

She wants to do all this weird shit for labor

Every woman knows what calms her, do NOT disagree with her process.

Don’t be a hero

Going drug free is not being a hero, it’s doing what is right by yourself. It was important to me that I truely felt the process of birthing my baby, to feel present. But to others, their values could be different. No way is better than the other, only to the individual.

She’s too picky when she’s pregnant

With food, drinks, smells, chemicals, exercise, medications etc. Yes we are pickier these days because we know more. Research is done for a reason. This doesn’t make us wimps. This makes us good mothers for not doing something that research has told us is unsafe for our babies. Just because you did something doesn’t mean it will work out fine for everyone else. We are grateful for research, you should be too.

She always complains about being pregnant, this is what she wanted

Growing a human completely alters a woman’s body, squashing organs, gaining weight & fluid, stretching skin, nausea, headaches, loss of intelligence, aches & pains body wide. She is allowed to vent.

When I was pregnant…

Offer advice if she asks or seems to be looking for it, but allow her to experience her own journey

She’s thinks she’s the first person in the world to be pregnant

In her world, She is the first person to be pregnant (if it’s her first) this is how she learns

She wants to vaccinate

The safety of her baby is what is important. These are my beliefs for vaccinations. You may have a different opinion & I respect that.

She only wants eco friendly

I have grown up in a world of education regarding how to protect our planet due to its declining health. I will ALWAYS opt for the eco friendly option. She might too. The health of our planet directly affects the health of our children.

Shes excited about labour, she will learn

If this is her first DO NOT ruin this for her. Do not cloud her judgement of herself & her process. This is a mental game. Don’t fuck that up for her. If it’s her second, she knows so you can’t say shit anyway. She’s got this!

She’s killing herself just to breastfeed when she can just use formula

This is important to her, to give her baby her liquid gold. She will change if & when she is ready.

She’s giving the baby formula already

she’s doing what best for herself & her baby, some woman cannot produce what their baby requires. Fed is best. Don’t you dare put her down when she is already down on herself.

She doesn’t put any effort into her looks

She does not have time!

She stays home all day

Anxiety can be next level trying to leave the house

She’s lazy

She is nurturing her baby

She just keeps crying

Her hormones are at a level nobody can understand unless they have experienced it. NEVER brush off her feelings saying “it’s just your hormones” because she still has feelings & this will break her

She always says no to hanging out, I’m not trying anymore

She’s either not ready, she’s busy or she’s anxious. Be there when she needs you.

I haven’t heard from her for ages

She’s busy

She won’t let me see the baby

She has her reasons for protecting her baby. Nothing you say will change that.

I told her so

DONT EVER TELL A NEW MUM I TOLD YOU SO!!

She opted for a cesarean

This is her body. Some people prefer this. It doesn’t make them any less of a mother. some people have no choice & this breaks them. Don’t show them pitty, show them love. They need love right now.

She makes having a baby look so glamorous

Because how many friends would we have if we complained about the bad stuff all the time 🤷🏽‍♀️

Moral of the story is..

You don’t know, until you know

Use your girl power for good, not evil!

There is more than likely someone in your life that you thought of while reading this…

Be kind 🧡