It’s been a rough day & it’s only 9am…

It’s been a tough day & it’s only 9am. I’ve actually been having a mentally tough week, but today… feels heavier. I can’t explain it & really have no reason for it, I’m guessing my hormones are still changing post baby? 🤷🏽‍♀️

There have been tears on both sides, a headache, I’ve kicked my toe twice, she’s pulled my hair, kicked my ribs, bit my nipples with those 2 nasty little bottom teeth, I’ve lost my patience, she thrown 3 tantrums & her food. Any way you get the point. The thing is all these things happen on a daily (except my tears) & I’m usually fine.

But today… I have no optimism, nothing to look forward to, nothing left in me, stuck in Groundhog Day. Today I’m sick of routine, sick of looking at laundry, sick of vacuuming a floor that NEVER stays clean, sick of going to bed & waking up with the wiggles stuck in my head. I want to leave the house without mental checklists the size of a encyclopaedia, leave looking rested & effortless. Be able to to say yes to last minute plans without the nap, feed, change before hand

I am itching to progress in my career, to create new opportunities for myself, & help our family financially, but how am I suppose to do that when I can’t even manage to make my bed or do the dishes for a whole day? Im feeling stuck today, im feeling like this stuck will not be unstuck for a long time. Struggling to see the light & that’s my problem today.

I hate what I see in the mirror every single day, but I have no time to fix it & limited funds, struggling to hand her over to others makes time away to focus on me so so difficult. I have bad eating habits of snacking on easy & no time to meal prep. What I see in the mirror & in photos is not how I feel, she is a complete stranger. This is something I need to prioritise, but I keep choosing family time because these moments don’t last long.

I know this is an imbalance in my body, I know this is not me. I am one of the most optimistic people I know! I have so much gratitude for my life & everyone in it. Im living my life dream of being a Mum! & I have the hottest man in the world by my side! ♥️ I have everything to be happy about.

It is so hard to fight the feeling of failure as a Mum, but I know I’m doing my best ✨ but reaching my expectations as a mum is a different story. Focusing on things I do, do (🙊) instead of the things I don’t is important, hard, but important.

I know I’m human, I know this will pass, I know how lucky I am, I know I have support, I know I’m doing a great job, I know my baby has the best life & I know I’m not negatively impacting her.

This is me

These are thoughts

They aren’t real

They are a frame of mind

Tomorrow is a new day 🧡

To all the woman before me who have shared their insecurities & weak days on their platform I say thank you. Thank you for not making me feel alone. & so this is why I am too sharing. Please know I do NOT want sympathy. I want to share to help the movement of normalising. Maybe just a 🙋🏽‍♀️ if you feel or have felt this!

I love me

I love her (so much it frigen hurts)

I love us

I dislike today

thats all 🙃

😘