What I have learnt from having a private midwife

As a first time Mum it can be SO exciting! Until the realisation hits and you realise you have no idea what you're doing. Finding out I was having a baby was one of the best days of my life, I still remember every detail and emotion that was felt, nothing will take that away from me. I always read that women often felt lost, unsure and uneducated about pregnancy whilst going through it, and I quickly realised this was definitely the case. There is a massive gap in this system unless you have money!

At the time of finding out I was pregnant, I didn't have a regular GP, I literally just went to anyone with an appointment opening when I needed it. Thankfully getting sick was rare for me. But this meant I didn't have someone to rely or trust when it came to trying to navigate my pregnancy. I had heard good things about a doctor surgery and booked in with a doctor that supposedly had experience with antenatal... WRONG! She was actually hopeless. I was given false information on a couple of occasions, one of which lead me to miss a crucial appointment within a timeframe, she didn't have the answers to my questions and said she would get back to me, and never did. She told me things that needed to be done but not how to organise them and didn't tell me what I needed to do after certain tests were done. I WAS SO LOST! This is not ok! imagine any younger girls going through this, and them having to try to navigate this system. Something needs to change. Perhaps I just had a series of unfortunate events, but that's not what the system should allow for.

Thankfully, I had a friend that I worked with that had listened to my stresses and was able to recommend a local private midwife that she had gone through. I was a little skeptical as I was sure there was a catch to something that sounded so perfect. That in mind, I still went in to enquire about becoming a client. At this point I was 12 weeks pregnant, and should I have gone with using the midwives at the hospital, I wouldn't have seen them until 18 weeks as this was their protocol. I figured I could enquire about both and then make a decision. I arrived at the private midwifery and it was such warm and welcoming environment, I immediately felt at ease just walking in the door. I had a little chat with the lady at reception and that chat had forced me to make a decision very quickly! I had learnt that the fee for the entire pregnancy was $3300 😳 (hello catch!) as opposed to the hospital offering free services. I also learnt that there was only ONE! position left for my birth month 🤦🏽‍♀️. This meant I didn't have time to wait another 6 weeks before sussing out the midwives through the hospital. I had to literally go with my instincts on this one. I had heard from friends that going through the hospital came with inconsistency, you never knew what midwife you would be seeing, therefore you would have to repeatedly tell your story and hope for the best. The appointments also only lasted about 10-30 minutes long and didn't enable you to build the trust with any of them. You also didn't know who was going to be delivering your baby. This was very different to what I was told about having a private midwife. Which was already a solid selling point for me, as all I wanted was consistency.

I had booked a meeting for Joel and I to meet the only midwife that was available for our birth month. In all honesty I thought it was going to be a waste of time because I knew we couldn't afford it, but we had nothing to lose by attending a meeting, so that's what we did, and OH MY GOD am I glad we did! Again just meeting this midwife immediately made me feel at ease and comfortable. It literally felt like a big bear hug being in her office. We were in there for almost an hour, discussing what to expect, what was available to me should I sign up, she was extremely open to ANYTHING we wanted for our birth experience, and for myself and our baby throughout this journey, she also seemed to hold all the same values as we did. Joel and I both left the meeting feeling sold, which was SUCH a relief to me because I was so sure he would say we couldn't afford it, when instead we walked out and the first thing he said to me was "so... we're definitely doing this! We are just going to make it work" You would not believe my relief and excitement! So we called up the next day to make a deposit of $500 that we also probably couldn't afford, but honestly this is the most important time in our lives, we needed to feel like we were doing the right thing, and we absolutely made the right decision.

Every meeting that I had with my midwife was so easy and reassuring. I NEVER felt like I was rushed to get out the door, like she had dedicated her whole day to just talking with me. Some of my appointments were 30 mins long some of them were almost 2 hours long depending on what I wanted to discuss, which meant every question was answered, every worry was reassured and everything else was thoroughly explained in a way that I could understand. She was available to me at anytime, I could text or call her at any moment whether it was just a question, or if I felt like there was an emergency. When in labour she will come to our house to monitor and let us know the appropriate time to head to the hospital rather than having to worry about going back and forth with uncertainty, and she will be around to assist for up to 6 weeks after the baby is born, while I also have access to a lactation specialist through the midwifery if required. THIS is the consistency I was craving! She has literally made me feel like the only pregnant woman in the world and was extremely knowledgable, and from what I could gather so were all the other midwives at this midwifery. Once a month are offered 2 hour antenatal classes that have been extremely in depth and incredibly empowering, which was a feeling so different to what I was feeling before joining this heaven of a place.

Before joining this midwifery, like any other first time mum, I was terrified of labour and gaining responsibility for another human, even though before we fell pregnant I felt super ready. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant and with the knowledge I have gained along this journey I can honestly say I have never felt so empowered, so strong, so ready and so excited to see how my body is going to handle labour, after all it is a natural process that almost all women are lucky enough to experience.

I have learnt about my rights as a pregnant women, I have learnt that nothing can be done to me without prior discussion and my approval before hand. I am 100% in control of every decision regarding the birth of my baby. Knowledge is power and by gaining knowledge from these women I have so much confidence in all of my decision. Yes, I am very aware that it doesn't always go to plan which is an important part to accept prior to labour, but by being reassured of my power I KNOW that I am going to make the right decision at the time for what is best for me and my baby. I also hold a lot of trust in my midwife to tell me if something is truely wrong and that I need to surrender to an alternative. I have also learnt that emergency cesareans are not always necessary and that some doctors play the baby in danger card, because cesareans are what they are comfortable with. So if you get told you need to have an emergency cesarean please question it first using the brains acronym below:

B enefits - What are the benefits if we do this

R isks - What are the risks/side effects involved

A lternatives - What are our alternatives

I ntuition - Does this decision feel right/make sense

N othing - What if we do nothing, what might happen

S pace - Can we have some space to talk and make a decision

It is so easy to become so vulnerable in this position but please don't forget to trust your gut, and don't allow anyone to ruin your experience. The documentary "Birth Time" is incredible to watch on the topic of you and your rights as a pregnant women, I HIGHLY recommend!

A couple of other recommendations I have for what has made my pregnancy so special has been via meditation and prenatal yoga.

Meditation has helped me clear my mind, reduce stress, keep me grounded, minimise anxiety and given me inner power. If you have never meditated before, know that this takes practice!, It's not going to work perfectly for you the first time, but I can assure you it is worth the time and effort! Throughout my pregnancy I have used the Spotify podcast "Mindful in Minutes" and "Meditation Mama" by Kelly Smith of Yoga For You, and I am obsessed! I'm actually listening to "A Meditation For A Calm Labour and Delivery" from the "Meditation Mama" podcast in the above photo🙊. Everyone is different though, so keep exploring until you find someones voice that soothes you and doesn't irritate you!

I have also downloaded the prenatal yoga app from Down Dog. You can choose how long you want to practice, if you want yoga or just stretching, what trimester you are in and what area of the body you want to work on, including sessions that focus on your pelvic floors, heartburn/reflux and if your baby is in breech position. Right now all of my sessions are focused on labour prep! It does have a monthly fee, however, if your anything like me and only gone to the gym 3 times in your pregnancy because you cant really do weights and would prefer a walk on the beach anyway, this could save you money! This fee also covers you for the other Down Dog apps like normal Yoga, Workout, Meditation and Barre.

And last and most importantly, get a private midwife and make it work. Start saving before you fall pregnant if you have to! I have friends that are pregnant and close to my due date as well that still feel so lost and my heart breaks. I am constantly trying to reassure them and educate them with what I have learnt, giving them resources etc. But nothing will ever replace the journey I have had so far. So do yourself a favour and invest in yourself and your baby. Make it work babes because I can guarantee you will have no regrets only gratitude that you did it!

If you are from the Sunshine Coast, Coastlife Midwifery in Maroochydore is where its's at! Jillian, our midwife is bloody amazing! But so are all the other ladies! Don't waste any time though girls, positions fill up fast!

I hope you have gotten something out of this, and it has helped you to make a more informed decision, should you be currently in this position. If you have any questions at all make sure you send me a msg via the website contact box or via instagram DM and I would be SO happy help. Thanks to my experience throughout this journey I am now so so passionate about women feeling empowered during this time in their lives as there can be so many changes occurring in your life that feel out of control.

Just know that YOU'VE GOT THIS MAMA!

Sending love

Demi xx