What I Didn't Expect When I Was Expecting

Becoming a mum feels like I just ran into Dorothy’s house during a twister & landed in the colourful world of Motherhood. It seriously is a whole new world. A change so big words could never explain it until I actually experienced it myself. I’m sure many of you know what I’m talking about!

I had never really been nervous about becoming a mum, nor am I really a nervous mum now I’ve become one. Cautious as everything is pretty new, but not nervous. It is something that does feel natural to me, however, although natural, not always easy, in fact one of the hardest most rewarding experiences of my life. I grew up with 2 younger brothers (10 & 15 yrs younger than me) & lots of younger cousins. I feel like this time really primed me, & I guess gave me my expectation of becoming a mum myself. I loved stepping up as a kid/teenager & looking after my brothers, baby sitting them, changing nappies, feeding & playing with them. They were like my real life dolls! So you could say I grew up with maternal instincts. I am so grateful for this time & I often find myself remembering certain things that my Mum taught me back then about looking after babies that have helped me with my own. It was like muscle memory.

But here’s what I didn’t expect

I didn’t expect how overwhelmingly in love I would be with this little human, how I could just cry because the love was just too much to hold in (multiple time a week), how much I worried about her future worries, that for some, may never happen, like heartbreak, bullying, learning her independence, the confusions she will go through while developing etc. 😖🥰

I didn’t expect to miss her until it hurts when I hadn’t held her for like 2 hours! ( ridiculous I know) 😩

I did not expect to become even more emotional than I already was during pregnancy. Oh the tears! 50% happy tears, 50% I have no fucking idea tears! 😅

I didn’t expect to feel so much stronger as a woman, a protector, a Mother. It literally feels like a superpower! As someone who can be susceptible to depression, I am so proud of my strength throughout this journey so far (early days - 7 weeks post natal), not to say that it has been easy in any way, because there have been days where I have certainly struggled, as will there be days in the future. This makes it that much more important to stay proud of yourself throughout this time, because you definitely should be! 🙌🏽

I didn’t expect that I would be so anxious to leave the house due to changing up her routine, therefore causing a crying baby, especially in every car ride we take (she hates the car). Therefore I have now become anxious about socialising (for now at least). 🤦🏽‍♀️

I didn’t expect to struggle with breastfeeding, I thought it would come naturally to me, even though I know others struggle. I didn't think I would, but in fact it was probably the hardest thing about the first few weeks of having a baby 😖

I didn’t expect to really have NO time! Period. Days fly by doing nothing but changing nappies, feeding & having Mila sleep on me in rotation. This individual blog has taken 6 attempts & over a week to complete 😳

On that note...

I didn’t expect to be ok with sitting in a house that wasn’t spotless. It makes me really uncomfortable having mess around me, I just can’t relax. Now that I have no choice it’s actually not so bad. Note the dirty mirror in the above photo 😎

I didn’t expect to be ok with not being productive in my personal development in ways that I was use to. But I think it's because right now I am constantly being challenged & developing while learning to be a Mum 🤱🏽

I didn’t expect to be SO excited to watch my girl grow. Picking up on every new movement with new muscles being used, every time she recognises or can see something new, every new sound that comes out of her mouth. She really does make me so proud 😍

I didn’t expect to transition so quickly & easily from my old life to my new one 🤙🏽

I didn’t expect to miss work so quickly 🦭

& lastly

I didn't expect to fall in love with my partner all over again! Watching him step up and take care of us the way he has and just watching him together with Mila, getting excited and adoring his little girl, it absolutely melts my heart! 😍

No matter what people tell you before you become a parent you take it with a grain of salt, but a lot of this general stuff is definitely truer than you realise at the time. Keeping in mind this is only my journey of the first 7 weeks; things could change & things could stay the same.

Either way, I am so excited to see what this future holds if already things are blowing my mind 🤯🙊😍🥰